need another drink. this is the easiest way
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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