I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
