I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
