I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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