Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
