i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
