Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
