Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
