Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
