So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
