my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
