Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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