she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
