After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
