The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
