i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
