Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
