I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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