I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
