And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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