so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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