Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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