you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
