I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
