my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
