Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
