I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
