Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
