I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
