the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
