i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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