yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
