it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
