Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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