Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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