Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
