apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
