New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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