...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
