I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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