I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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