i was born a porn star she said
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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