it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
