I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
