I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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