I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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