So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
