Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
