Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
