She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
