You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
