Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Rumble strips road head = magical
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
