Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
