Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
