Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i think my cat just said my name.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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