so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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