when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
