Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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