i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
