your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
