roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
