We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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