Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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