My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
