Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just google imaged poop.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
