addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
