My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
