I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
